Rocky Start to DIY Driveway

Did you know that the Vikings used to grind the bones of their enemies for use in creating lovely crushed-gravel driveways?

That’s not true. But did you know that 60% of internet facts are total made up? I totally made that up, but the important thing is that it COULD be true, and it does seem to be the case. Honestly, the things people will believe just because they read it online…it’s astounding. Like how fifteen gallons of water are used in the creation of one pint of beer. I thought that one had been debunked in the late nineties, but it still endures among the gullible.

Case in point: my next door neighbour, Ian. Ian is getting on a bit in years, bless his soul, but he had his grandson set up an internet connection, and now he’s paranoid beyond belief. I just had a driveway put in- one of those nice ones with crushed rock, from a place in Cranbourne no less- and I saw Ian outside collecting his post. He’s not too mobile so it takes him a while, but he’s also fiercely independent so he won’t accept help. I asked him what he thought of my new crushed driveway- he’s usually so keen on DIY projects and home affairs- and he said it made him sad to think of all the cows who gave their lives for the cause. Apparently, he read somewhere that crushed rock driveways are actually created with 60% rock and 40% animal bones. It’s how the charnel industry stays afloat, so he said: sneaky backroom deals with aggregate companies.

I would’ve thought the charnel industry stays afloat by providing us with meat- which is still in pretty high demand, so far as I know- but Ian was adamant that my driveway was a carpet of animal cruelty.

Actually, genuinely unbelievable. I mean, that wouldn’t even work. Bone would turn to powder as soon as it gets driven upon. And I know the people who do crushed rock driveways in Cranbourne; they’re reputable and not quite so underhanded. Then again, I did just get a lecture from Ian about postmen, and how 70% of them are culled from the ranks of former arson prisoners. I want to know which site he’s using for these statistics, because it sounds like a hoot.