Category: garden

Do you want to know my favourite thing about garden landscaping? It’s that I don’t have to do it myself. Seriously, it’s wonderful, because I have no skills in design or gardens, and I kill every plant I’ve ever had ever. It’s sad, but that’s life. Or death, as the case may be. But in this, I don’t feel a twinge of uncertainty. It’s just ‘ring ring, hello, landscape architecture place that varies depending on what I need done, oh hi, can you come and make my garden pretty for me?’.

I’d feel bad about doing that for gardening proper. Gardeners probably spend half their lives picking through people’s outdoor areas, grumbling to themselves that the person in the house probably has plenty of time, so why are they being so lazy? I’m not lazy, I just tend to kill plants when I touch them. If it got any worse it would qualify as a condition. But I’m terribly proud, so I don’t want anybody to know about my hidden weakness. I can’t stand the thought of being judged from the outdoors. But with gardening…things are different. It’s not like I’m going to put in climbing roses on my own. Who even does that by themselves? It’s an extremely specific skill. Or if I wanted to plant some other roses, or install a vegetable patch. Nobody does these things for themselves as far as I can tell. A landscaper doesn’t sit outside their home and tut to themselves that they could just be doing this without aid. I can’t do that stuff without aid, and they know it. Everybody knows it, and thus I’m completely justified.

I’m totally fine with the idea of letting someone else planting my gladiolus. I can’t be expected to lay down retaining wall blocks when Melbourne has others who would do it so much more beautifully. I have fingernails to maintain. And thanks to this scheme, I can maintain both those and my dignity. Win-win!

It has come to my attention that most children grow up playing in what is not much more than a dirt patch in what is proudly proclaimed the ‘Garden State’. Where are the lush green ovals? Where are the fields of wildflowers? Where is the grass? The sad truth is that any wayward corners of garden surviving in a modern day primary school has to be made of tougher stuff than you would think. Trodden on, picked at, and stomped on by drooling preppies and year six graduates alike, the gardens of the playground are certainly put to the test.

Even with the best watering and sprinkling systems, most flowers have a very limited life span. The constant assault from little feet running back and forth for hours on end results in a patchy hard surface of dirt that isn’t exactly ideal for planting.   

That is why I believe Victorian primary schools, and indeed primary schools across Australia should embrace gardeners and put in flowering shrubs. Melbourne residents do not want their children playing in the mud, they want them playing on the grass, and schools should uphold that wish. Melbourne schools deserve better. The benefits of having a beautiful flowering area for children to see every day are numerous.

I have noticed that some local primary schools are embracing this garden idea as an effective and visually appealing way to entice parents to enrol their children. I would hope as time goes on the state as a whole sees the sense behind my sentiment.

Keeping plants alive at the best of times becomes difficult, let alone under the stress of hundreds of children every day. We need gardeners to tend to these plants and flowers and teach the children about botany. The government needs to act, not only to get our children out of the dirt but to implement great cost savings on water and to stop the obscenity of having a dirt oval. Melbourne wake up and smell the hybrid tea roses, it is the future!