I Love a Good Before and After

I’m a huge sucker for clickbait of most kinds- cute animals are my kryptonite- but the thing that gets me most? Transformation. Like, the bad kind. I’m talking about the guy from Sweden who spent like $60,000 to turn himself into that dragon lady from ‘Fantasy’. People like that are seriously messed up. I get that she’s attractive, but as a guy you’re never going to be a perfect likeness. And like…she has dragon scales on her face. Even if you become a perfect copy of this person- which is a weird thing to begin with- people are still going to cross the street every time you go out in public.

I just don’t think I could handle that. I mean, back in the days before anti wrinkle treatments here in Melbourne were as good as they are now, you used to hear horror stories. Women who were trying to get rid of their wrinkles on a budget, so they’d go along to shady salons in dark alleyways and pay what was probably still way too much for treatments that would make them look horrible. Or they’d work at first, but the wrinkles would appear in a few hours. There was a story about it in ‘Girl Mag’, where someone had dermal fillers and anti wrinkle treatments and went to a party. In the MIDDLE of the party, her face just started melting. Not painfully, but there was this time-lapse photo of it happening and it was SO bizarre. She never showed her face in public again.

Man, thank goodness things are better now. I think they really cracked down on all the illegal stuff going on, so now if you get laser hair removal in Melbourne or whatever, it’s pretty much legit. And it works. Jury’s out on if you try to mold your face to look like a fictional character, though.