Me and the Conveyancers Must Save Layla!


No, but you see, Layla can’t move out. I went to see my tarot reader, and he said that this relationship would end in total disaster. Now they’re getting married, which is total disaster for me, so that turned out to be correct. I went to visit him again recently and told him everything that had happened, and he said…that I needed to stop the wedding. Because if they go through with it, Layla and Pete are going to go on a honeymoon and it’d going to be interrupted by a pack of wild wallabies, so I must stop this at all costs. Thus causing Layla to continue living with me. Tragic, but it’s for everyone’s good in the end.

I cannot tell you how many conveyancers I’ve visited in the last few days. Did you know there are multiple conveyancing solicitors in Sandringham alone? I never even knew that conveyancing was a thing until like last week when Layla said she was getting their help with some…property thing. THE property thing. The property thing that means she’ll be ‘conveying’ herself out of the house, leaving me high and dry and having to find a new housemate while she lives it up in wedded bliss. Ugh, disgusting.

I mean…wonderful. And I feel terrible having to visit all these conveyancers. I don’t mean to waste their time, really. I bet they have just so much conveying to do. Many title transfers…a great deal of glancing over the sale of land act 1962, which I just looked up because I care that much as a friend. I’ll make it up to the conveyancers. You better believe that when it comes time for me to move, I’ll be visiting every conveyancing office in St Kilda to the other places that aren’t Melbourne. Yep, plenty of custom, all for the conveyancers, because it’s not like this is their fault.

I mean…it’s nobody’s fault. Layla simply cannot move out, and into this bigger house with her husband-to-be, because…wallabies. And I’ve seen her conveyancing paperwork, too. Definitely a few subsections that she needs to inspect more closely.

-Denise, Denise

Can Conveyancing Just Convey…Everything?

A conveyor belt brings things from one place to another. To convey a sentiment to someone is to let them know of that thing.

So you’d think that conveyancing was basically picking up everything and moving it to one place.

It’s all wishful thinking on my part, of course. I know what conveyancers do, and true to their name, they do…’convey’. It’s just more to do with paperwork than one would think. I won’t be bothering the good folks of Melbourne’s property conveyancing with requests for them to move our furniture, or possibly pack everything we own into boxes, because that would just be silly.

Oh, but…it’d be nice. Four moves in five years, and they never get easier. You don’t know how quickly you can start horading junk until suddenly you’re in a different house and you’ve run out of storage space six months in. And the trinkets…oh boy, the trinkets. Coming out of the draws in the hundreds. Pens, keyrings, wires and leads to things that you don’t know you’ll ever use again but you’re too petrified to throw out because there’s a chance you WILL need them and spend two hours looking, only to have a sudden flashback to when you threw them out.

If there WAS a conveyancing service that came and sorted you out, put everything in boxes, swept under the rugs, kept the loose change (because who needs it anyway?) and generally took all the stress out of moving, they’d be the greatest conveyancing service in Melbourne. But maybe moving is just inherently stressful, no matter what. Conveyancing professionals can do what they can, to the best of their ability. Moving people can lift the heavy things, and anything pre-boxed. But moving home will always be a pain in the neck. Best to just avoid it entirely. Be born, live and die in the same house, seriously. It’s so much less hassle than having to decide whether to keep or chuck that old oil heater.


House-hunt on coffee

Do orange leaves taste like orange? I mean…you have to assume they do, right? I’ve never tried it, but I feel like I need to get on that right away, just like I need to get on that laundry right away, and the fact that I haven’t yet done a sixteen-mile-run today is just insane. Insanity. Absolute madness.

I’m such a twitchy weirdo when I drink too much coffee, and I really should know it by now, but I don’t. I just want to do all the things, which is good in some ways because my productivity goes through the roof, but in many ways it’s bad because it feels like I’m running on energy I don’t really have and I talk at the speed of a bullet train.

Have I done my taxes? When birds who live on the equator migrate, do they go north or south, or do they mix it up every year? You’d want to keep it fresh, I feel. Oh, I need to contact the conveyancer in Collingwood! See, I never would’ve thought of that in my normal state, but right now it’s like I’ve drunk a gallon of smart juice. Like, productivity juice. So… ‘liquid super…doing-stuff’. That’s what this is. Basically we’ve been meaning to contact the conveyancer for ages to get the house move started but it just seems like so much hassle. I mean, I know you contact a conveyancer because you want things to be easier, but it still means you’re submitting yourself to going into an office, submitting paperwork, signing a lot of things and visiting homes, which my wife loves but I don’t usually. At the moment I’d be SPRINTING from place to place because I need to get rid of all this excess energy. I don’t know, I think I slept too well and the coffee was too strong, so I’ve been turned into the twitchy weird version of me who actually wants to get things done. Maybe this is a new life hack.

I just called the conveyancer in Highett, and Eltham, and Mentone, AND Collingwood, because it’s good to cover all the bases, right?? Wherever we decide to buy we’ll have a conveyancer with us. Maybe I should call some more conveyancers because I’m on a roll. Wow, yeah, what was IN that coffee blend?


Our growing family home

Triplets. Wow. First time, and that’s what we end up getting. I guess it’s better than having a set of twins, deciding that you want one more baby and THEN getting triplets. You wanted three kids? Well, stuff all of your plans, here’s two more! Package deal!

I’m over the moon of course, even though it’s more than I was expecting. I guess we’ll just have to tackle the challenge head-on, just like any new parents. Still…going to need some more research on this. Funnily enough, all those articles we read only dealt with handling your first child, not your first three children. Oh, and then there are the names. We have to think of two more now.

The baby’s room is now also the babies’ room…do we need to move? Daryl at work has all those connections with conveyancers in Richmond, maybe we need to make use of that. We could swing it right now, and it’ll be fine as they’re just young, but I’m not expecting three teenagers to share a room. And unless we convert that tiny study into another bedroom and make them draw straws to decide who gets the privacy, that’s all the space we’re going to be having. Heck, yeah…we WILL have to move house. Mum and Dad said having a child would change our lives, but I didn’t expect we’d basically be forced out of our home because we had too many kids. But then, I guess them being teenagers is a long way away when they’re not even born yet. Maybe we would’ve had three kids by that point and we’d have to move anyway. Moral of the story here is never take anything for granted, because you’re probably going to need more room.

So yeah…gonna have to talk to Daryl about that conveyancer situation. He’ll know someone good we can use. Honestly, I don’t think we can be picky about where we arel might have to move somewhere inland, like Carnegie. Conveyancers are good there too, probably. Three kids at once, though…wow. Life changing indeed.